One of the things I have had to come to terms with is that I am simply not as strong physically as I used to be. I honestly don’t feel that I have ever really recovered from the strain of being pregnant. It took a lot out of me – pregnancy, delivery and postpartum. And although I am technically fully healed of all that, I am starting to believe that I am one of those women whose body never really bounces back after pregnancy. I just cannot do what I used to do. For a while I thought it was just the having a toddler and such, but I don’t think it is. So between that and my history of back problems, I think trying to “do it all” in the physical sense would probably send me to an early grave or at least very seriously diminish my quality of life earlier than it should.

Zan – Re: the schooling. I hear you. I remind myself that I don’t have to decide yet, but when we go through stretches like this with minimal sleep I find myself tempted to start the countdown clock to preschool!

Imajackson – I think about this stuff because it is just the way I am wired. I don’t know how to not think. It is such a part of my personality and a core part of who I am. So I think all the time.

You hit it all on the mark and I must say I am amazed you have time to think about stuff like this. You are made of sterner stuff then I.

I grew up in a very small town with city-parents who wanted to get back to the land. They bought 7 acres with 3 barns, and an 8 bedroom house with 5 bathrooms. They ground their own flour for bread, raised their own chickens and grew raspberries I used to pick for 7 dollars a flat and sell through the back door of a famous restaurant. Them my mom went back to work full time and we were left to raise ourselves.

My mom died at 51, from breast cancer 6 months after she retired from her job. I was barely out of high school.

In my opinion, she died from overworking to prove her worth as a mother-earth type and a feminist who worked outside the home. She was amazing at both, she was a great cook, a funny woman, and a brilliant Director of a school. Yet, all that work killed her early. If she had worked less and taken care of herself more she might have had chance to see her kids marry and meet her grandchildren.

So, in closing, I have a sensitivity to working too much for I wish to live as long as possible for my children. I, too, want to work a farm and be an awesome teacher and mother, but I understand that I am finite and I cannot be or have everything I want or wish.

Hiring the cleaning service has changed my life in so many ways, for the good. I don’t stress anymore about the house, because it is quite easy to pick up when it is clean at its core.

It’s also one of those things that I can easily cancel should we run into financial problems (or I lose my little writing gig that is funding it now!).

This speaks to me. I have about an acre and a half of land and I have (HAD) all of these plans to have huge gardens to grow all my own food. I thought I would enjoy it. I did for awhile and then I got pregnant and very sick. I really hurt my back so that I was basically not able to walk or stand for very long.

This summer I didn’t even try to garden. I have too much going on (3 kids)and it wasn’t worth the work or the risk of hurting myself again. I feel bad because I wanted to be like my parents who had animals and gardens when I was a kid. We made a lot of food by scratch, too.

Now, I have accepted what I can handle and what I can’t. I even have decided that I will not be doing homeschool with my kindergartener next fall. My husband and I have decided on the local Christian school. I know that I cannot take care of our home, my babies, cook, and homeschool. There’s just no way. I can’t do everything. I’m happy that I am OK with this, now, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me.

Maybe in a few years, things will be different. But, I am in the midst of the fog of motherhood. I am potty training two boys ages 2 and 4 (4 yr old is stubborn) and have an infant. We want more babies (God-willing). I need to find what works best for my family using the skills that God has given me. Frankly, I’m just not good at being very domestic.

That isn’t a petty thing at all. I’ve often thought about looking into a cleaning service, but haven’t yet. I don’t especially enjoy cleaning although I need a clean house to thrive. But I know what you mean about the thought of not coming out ahead. I wrestle with that too. I have no sense of the super homemaker attitude of “I have to do it all myself to prove my worth.” No, I just need to make sure my home and family have what they need to be happy and healthy. Whether I clean the toilets myself or hire someone to do it with the money I make makes no difference to me. The point is that the toilets are clean.

I just had a breakthrough in this area regarding something that sounds kind of petty but here goes.

I work part-part-time as a writer. At the same time, even though my house was extremely dirty, I refused to hire a cleaning service. Why? Because the weekly cleaning service costs almost as much as I make each week writing.

If I hired the cleaning service, I had this idea I wouldn’t come out “ahead.” That it wouldn’t be “worth it” to write anymore.

Then I realized it is a very fair trade for me to write in exchange for hiring a cleaning service.

And that my family all comes out ahead when we don’t live in a dirty house anymore