Here’s an excellent post on the problems with Fear-Based Parenting. So much of what is written and promoted out there in Christian circles today is clearly based on fear and control. Parents are told that the parent-child relationship is primarily an adversarial one. I’m convinced to the very core of my being this is wrong and contrary to the Scriptures.
The article lays out eight basic messages taught in fear-based parenting and then points out the way these ideas do not line up with the Scriptures. It especially points out all of the false teachings about raising children and why they are the polar opposite of how God relates to us.
Here is a good quote:
Parents, we need to trust God with our children and not live in fear. Jesus said to do to others as we would have done to us. This command doesn’t disappear just because we’re talking about our kids. Would we want to have our every motive suspect, our every action viewed in the worst light? Would we want to beg for mercy for something we’ve done, and to be given no mercy lest we think we’ve been given a license to get away with it next time? Would we want to be expected to drop everything, no matter how important to us, at the moment someone over us speaks a command, and be expected to not only show no frustration, but to feel no frustration, even when our dearest desires are denied and thwarted? Do we want our frustration and lack of cheerfulness, when we show them in spite of ourselves, to then be interpreted and punished as rebellion?
And if you can stomach it, read the link at the end of the article. I almost threw up when I read it. Why anyone thinks this is parenting that reflects the love of God is completely beyond me.
Thank you, Sallie. I appreciate this so much.
One of the things Sally stressed to all of us who would be writing on the Mom Heart blog was their belief in Grace Based Parenting.
It doesn’t mean children are not given correction, of course, but that fear based is not the way to go. Both of my kids were strong willed and my son severely ADHD but correction mixed with grace and love has certainly worked.
Stephanie told me years ago about how one of her friends said she wished she had a relationship with her mother the way we do. Steph told her how I would always say, “I was raising my own best friend” as she grew up. Her friend said her mother believed children and parents could never have a friendship. How sad…
My husband is 65 years old and still pays everyday for the way dreadful words he received from his parents. His brother is gay and his sister is just nuts, both of them are consumed with hatred for their father. Thankfully, hubby at least tries to walk in forgiveness.