Warning: Rambly post from semi-sleep deprived mother. 
I’ve been thinking for a few days about a post Rick wrote entitled Thoughts on homesteading: cost-effectiveness. It resonated with me because I’ve been wrestling for a number of weeks with related questions.
Although David and I live a much simpler life than many Americans, we are far from being agrarian or pre-industrial as Rick discusses. And although we’ve made many choices that have simplified our lives, we do still find ourselves in the conflict he describes here:
I’ve written before about the difference between a cash-centered family economy and one that is subsistence-centered, mostly quoting people that are wiser than me; you’ll find examples here and here. I don’t think that the two approaches to a family economy can be freely mixed, in the sense that we might favor a cash approach for some things and a subsistence approach for others, each family settling on the mixture of cash and subsistence that suits its personal preference best. Rather, the two approaches represent different mindsets, different ways of looking at the job of meeting our needs.
Worse, whether or not a cash outlook has its own integrity, it appears to have a highly corrosive effect on a subsistence outlook; that is, even when introduced in small quantities into a subsistent life, it seems to quickly exert irresitable pressure towards living a cash-based life, a downward slide well-described in the little book Henry and the Great Society. At the same time, even the smallest efforts to introduce subsistence into a cash-centered life are way more difficult to sustain than one might expect, and are usually crushed when confronted with that simple question: is this cost-effective? (emphasis mine)
I have been thinking about this as it relates to my own experience as a woman who works in her own home-based business with my husband and also has a two year old daughter. There are times every day when I am forced to choose between time and money (cost-effectiveness). Although everyone does this every day to a certain extent, I think people who own their own business are far more aware of the tradeoffs between time and money.
This week I bought a loaf of organic wheat bread and it cost me $3.69. I certainly could have made a loaf of bread for less. I know how to use my bread machine and I know how to make bread from scratch. But the thought of the lengthy process of making it from scratch is just not appealing to me when I am trying to keep up with a busy toddler and a business.
I think about this when we go out for lunch because I’ve been busy working all morning or we pay David’s niece to watch Caroline for a few hours while we work or get other things done around the house. I often think, “If I didn’t work, we wouldn’t have to do this.” Or I think, “If I didn’t work, I would have time to do X by hand or make Y myself which would be cheaper.”
Part of the tradeoff for me is that my working opens more doors for us in our business. There are some clients we have because of me and the work I do. And so I have to remind myself that my working isn’t just about the actual dollars that I am paid. It is also about providing a more diverse company that is more appealing to future clients. There are non-tangibles involved that are just as important as the tangibles.
And after the death of David’s cousin last week, I confess that I continue to be glad I am keeping my professional foot in the door so to speak. If something were to happen to David and I found myself a widow, I would be glad to still have a marketable skill and a network of business associates.
But getting back to Rick’s point…
There are so many things I could do around here that would be more agrarian or subsistence-based that I simply don’t have the time for. Part of it is a function of having a toddler for sure. But I’m not sure I’m willing to make the tradeoff to make it all work as Rick is talking about. I’m not sure I am willing to work that hard to accomplish what he describes in his own family.
David and I have also been discussing these things because we’ve been talking about buying another home sometime in the hopefully not-to-distant future. We simply need more room. For the longest time we have wanted to move further out and live in the country and pursue doing more for ourselves in terms of gardening and such. But now we are not so sure. I’m not sure I want to work that hard. While many couples who do so much for themselves have a larger family, it will only be David and me and Caroline. Frankly, I’m not so sure at my age (all of 41!) that I really want to work that hard to plant a large garden and can and do all of that stuff. I’m not interested in having animals, especially livestock. I do not want to be that tied down.
I’m not even sure I want to live in the country any longer. Maybe a smaller town, but I think in the country I would be lonely. I’m a suburban/city girl. When we drive around in the country (which we do often because we love the scenery) I look at the houses all spread out and think I would really feel lonely with no one very near.
Anyway, I digress.
All this to say that I agree with what Rick said. I think it is very hard to be cash-based and try to introduce subsistence type endeavors into your life. We have been at this simple living thing for over ten years and it is a challenge. It is very difficult to get out of the cost-effectiveness mindset no matter how much I enjoy doing other subsistence type activities. It is very hard to find the balance between the two because giving priority to the one will almost always necessitate neglecting the other. And, in a world run by a bottom line, I will confess my default mode continues to be cash. Yes, if I had to learn to live otherwise I could. David and I are resourceful people and could learn. But I’m becoming more and more convinced that God has a different path for us and while that path will probably continue to include a strong commitment to simpler living, it will probably not progress much beyond that.
Like it or not, our industrial society is now one of specialization. I like to read about people who grow all of their own food and all of that, but I have no interest in doing it. And that’s just fine.
I just had a breakthrough in this area regarding something that sounds kind of petty but here goes.
I work part-part-time as a writer. At the same time, even though my house was extremely dirty, I refused to hire a cleaning service. Why? Because the weekly cleaning service costs almost as much as I make each week writing.
If I hired the cleaning service, I had this idea I wouldn’t come out “ahead.” That it wouldn’t be “worth it” to write anymore.
Then I realized it is a very fair trade for me to write in exchange for hiring a cleaning service.
And that my family all comes out ahead when we don’t live in a dirty house anymore
Ann,
That isn’t a petty thing at all. I’ve often thought about looking into a cleaning service, but haven’t yet. I don’t especially enjoy cleaning although I need a clean house to thrive. But I know what you mean about the thought of not coming out ahead. I wrestle with that too. I have no sense of the super homemaker attitude of “I have to do it all myself to prove my worth.” No, I just need to make sure my home and family have what they need to be happy and healthy. Whether I clean the toilets myself or hire someone to do it with the money I make makes no difference to me. The point is that the toilets are clean.
“I have to do it all myself to prove my worth.”
This speaks to me. I have about an acre and a half of land and I have (HAD) all of these plans to have huge gardens to grow all my own food. I thought I would enjoy it. I did for awhile and then I got pregnant and very sick. I really hurt my back so that I was basically not able to walk or stand for very long.
This summer I didn’t even try to garden. I have too much going on (3 kids)and it wasn’t worth the work or the risk of hurting myself again. I feel bad because I wanted to be like my parents who had animals and gardens when I was a kid. We made a lot of food by scratch, too.
Now, I have accepted what I can handle and what I can’t. I even have decided that I will not be doing homeschool with my kindergartener next fall. My husband and I have decided on the local Christian school. I know that I cannot take care of our home, my babies, cook, and homeschool. There’s just no way. I can’t do everything. I’m happy that I am OK with this, now, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me.
Maybe in a few years, things will be different. But, I am in the midst of the fog of motherhood. I am potty training two boys ages 2 and 4 (4 yr old is stubborn) and have an infant. We want more babies (God-willing). I need to find what works best for my family using the skills that God has given me. Frankly, I’m just not good at being very domestic.
Thanks Sallie!
Hiring the cleaning service has changed my life in so many ways, for the good. I don’t stress anymore about the house, because it is quite easy to pick up when it is clean at its core.
It’s also one of those things that I can easily cancel should we run into financial problems (or I lose my little writing gig that is funding it now!).
Sallie,
You hit it all on the mark and I must say I am amazed you have time to think about stuff like this. You are made of sterner stuff then I.
I grew up in a very small town with city-parents who wanted to get back to the land. They bought 7 acres with 3 barns, and an 8 bedroom house with 5 bathrooms. They ground their own flour for bread, raised their own chickens and grew raspberries I used to pick for 7 dollars a flat and sell through the back door of a famous restaurant. Them my mom went back to work full time and we were left to raise ourselves.
My mom died at 51, from breast cancer 6 months after she retired from her job. I was barely out of high school.
In my opinion, she died from overworking to prove her worth as a mother-earth type and a feminist who worked outside the home. She was amazing at both, she was a great cook, a funny woman, and a brilliant Director of a school. Yet, all that work killed her early. If she had worked less and taken care of herself more she might have had chance to see her kids marry and meet her grandchildren.
So, in closing, I have a sensitivity to working too much for I wish to live as long as possible for my children. I, too, want to work a farm and be an awesome teacher and mother, but I understand that I am finite and I cannot be or have everything I want or wish.
Zan and Imajackson – I so understand what you both are saying!
One of the things I have had to come to terms with is that I am simply not as strong physically as I used to be. I honestly don’t feel that I have ever really recovered from the strain of being pregnant. It took a lot out of me – pregnancy, delivery and postpartum. And although I am technically fully healed of all that, I am starting to believe that I am one of those women whose body never really bounces back after pregnancy. I just cannot do what I used to do. For a while I thought it was just the having a toddler and such, but I don’t think it is. So between that and my history of back problems, I think trying to “do it all” in the physical sense would probably send me to an early grave or at least very seriously diminish my quality of life earlier than it should.
Zan – Re: the schooling. I hear you. I remind myself that I don’t have to decide yet, but when we go through stretches like this with minimal sleep I find myself tempted to start the countdown clock to preschool!
Imajackson – I think about this stuff because it is just the way I am wired. I don’t know how to not think. It is such a part of my personality and a core part of who I am. So I think all the time.