Today one of my dear friends is having a long-time wish fulfilled. She is moving from Atlanta back to Nashville. Jo Anne has longed for this day for years and it has been a joy and a faith-builder for me to see God bring this to pass.
Recently when she wrote to me about this move, she used a word that jumped out at me: effortless. Everything had gone so smoothly as to be almost effortless. God has prepared the way and she can see His hand on each aspect of the move.
The reason that word resonated with me is because I have already been thinking about it a lot lately.
Several weeks ago I came across one of the best pieces of parenting insight I’ve found to date. I didn’t bookmark it because I didn’t anticipate sharing it. But the gist of what was said by this mom was that every time her child was ready for something, the transition was effortless.
I’m only the mom of one so I can’t testify to whether this holds true for every child. But I do know that we have experienced this time and time again with Caroline. When she was ready, she was ready. The transition was almost effortless whether it was switching to table foods or sleeping through the night or walking. Yes, we did little things to promote each stage advancement, but we’ve been very low-key about her milestones. My approach has been – she’ll do it when she’s ready. And when she has been ready, it has happened quickly and thoroughly.
Since reading that post I’ve wondered if so much of the parenting angst I read is because the parents are “ready” for their child to do something long before the child is ready. In our hurry-up world it is too easy to want everything now yesterday rather than letting life slowly unfold in its own time and way, according to God’s purposes. I’m thankful that God gave me this perspective and attitude early on because Caroline has hit several of her major milestones at the late end of the normal spectrum. Adopting this attitude has saved me weeks and months of stress and anxiety over when she will finally do X.
There are situations in my own life where I am so tempted to try to make something happen. But I’ve learned from experience that it usually isn’t worth the effort. Yes, look for ways God is moving and respond. But every major good thing I’ve received has been basically effortless and not the result of my own strivings and hard work. Instead, God was there, moving and preparing. My role is to observe quietly, live faithfully, and wait for when the blessed transition comes.
Wonderful advice … it will prove very helpful when Caroline (and you) are ready for potty training!
Great advice! The best advice I got as a young mother was from a friend who told me not too pine away for the future but enjoy the now. She said she had seen too many moms always wishing for the next stage in their children’s lives~”I can’t wait unti they crawl; I can’t wait until they walk, etc.” all the while missing what their children were doing at the moment.
I agree with Sheryl–your advice will definitely help with potty training.
As a mom whose son is 16 months non walking, army crawler, I need these wise words. He’s making progress, but he’s doing it in his own time. =) I don’t need to fret. Thanks.
Oh, yes. Potty training. You know… I’ve hardly even thought about that. The diaper things just isn’t a big deal to me (other than the huge waste of money which is kind of a bummer). But I guess we’ll get around to that one of these days…
Ellen – You are very welcome. Caroline was almost 15 months old when she started walking. I have a friend with two daughters who walked at 17 and almost 19 months. They are perfectly happy healthy children. Your little man will probably run you ragged once he takes off! LOL!
As the mother of a child with very mild developmental delays (gross and fine motor skills, speech and language) as a result of very mild intrauterine growth restriction I very much agree with this sage parenting advice. My son has routinely hit his milestones on the late end of the spectrum, but he has gotten there. At times we’ve had a bit of therapy to help (right now it’s speech), but what I’m noticing is that even with the helpful therapy he is still going to do what he’s going to do according to his own little calendar.
My struggle as a parent is knowing how to balance encouragement (i.e. therapy) with his own developmental schedule. God is giving my husband and I wisdom and guidance with this as we make decisions about schooling and activities. But, most importantly we’re learning just to let him be the little boy that he is right now knowing that he is coming into his own. And, we are grateful for the opportunities that we have for intervention and therapy when it is needed.
Reading your blog is like a breath of fresh air. I am so very tired of hearing about how my son “should be doing such and such…” by concerned relatives. And how much competition there seems to be in everything when it comes to starting children in activities or sports or even school.
Children are pushed so hard these days in so many ways that I almost feel like an outcast not pushing my own.
But then I come here and I realize I’m not alone. Your words continue to inspire. Have I mentioned how happy I am that you are back? :o)
Amen! Amen! especially on the potty training
I was nearly harassed with my first (who was still in diapers when # 3 was born) but I stubbornly ignored them, didn’t push her, and she was out of pull-ups in just a week or two.
I know people who are frustrated to have their kids “in transition” for months or years. Talk about a waste of money!
Same cycle repeated with her little sister (just this spring), but this time I had more confidence, and again she basically “trained” herself.
Ellen….my son turned two before he walked……he was a bottom shuffler…but now he walks and runs with the best of them. We toilet trained after he turned three…..I do think a lot of parents stress comes from comparison.
Sallie, so nice to see you’re back! Thanks for this post – I needed it today (although I’m reading it several weeks late – I just found you’re back!) I am waiting and waiting and waiting for God to work through a situation in my life and although I know it requries work and obedience on my part, I know also that God will do the real work, without my “help”. I must continue to surrender to Him.