Several weeks ago I read the post of a woman blogger who had lost weight and was sharing her story. She had several unhealthy habits which she had changed and it had resulted in some good weight loss for her. It was obvious from the story she told that she had made some good choices for her health and had reached what appeared to be a healthy weight. I was happy for her success, but I was also troubled by something in her post.
She spoke freely of the size she was when she was at her “fattest” and the size she was aspiring to and had achieved. As she wrote about how awful she felt as a size X, I wondered how many of her readers felt. Certainly many of them probably wear that same size. Many of them probably wear an even larger size. Some of her larger readers would probably give their right arm to be the size she was when she was “fat”. The word that came to me was “shame” and that many of her readers probably felt shamed by what she wrote.
I don’t for a minute think that was her intention. She seems to be a kind person who definitely is concerned for others. But in writing about the “evils” (my word, not hers) of being a particular size, I wonder how many women she unintentionally shamed.
I appreciate the fact that Tri Delta’s Fat Talk Free Week is focused on helping women think about health, not size. The average woman in America is 5’4″, weights 140 pounds and wears a size 12 or 14. And yet how many women who fit those measurements would consider themselves “fat”? How many women would consider their friend “fat” if she had those measurements?
I think many women find it very difficult to not think or talk fat, even for a day. And yet those words and thoughts are so destructive. Even when we talk about ourselves to our friends and family, we may be unintentionally shaming those who are listening. Instead, we should be building each other up in love and kindness. This is especially true for those of us who follow Christ. Are we bringing joy and hope when we speak with other women or are we unthinkingly bringing shame and hurt upon them?
Sizes are for clothing, and the clothes are supposed to fit the person, not the other way around.
Really good point! I just read a post by a very popular blogger who wrote a whole post about how she can fit into her jeans four months after having a baby. Well, good for you, but what about all the moms out there who can’t? What purpose does that post serve? And who cares if you can fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans four months later?
Honestly, talking about weight is very delicate and should be treated as the medical matter that it is. No one needs to know your weight but you and your doctor. It brings up too many feelings one way or the other. You either sound like a bragger, or you make people feel bad. It’s such a touchy subject.
I went on a weight loss program this year. I’ve had a good loss so far, but slow, and I feel great so all is good. Anyway, I made the mistake of mentioning it to my friend. She also was on a weight loss plan, but a very drastic one which I believe is unhealthy. Now all she wants to talk about with me is weight loss. I think she is veering into eating disorder territory and I wish I had never brought it up. I feel like I am contributing to her obsessive behavior now.